What You Need To Build Stronger Relationships by Rev. Christie Bature: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Humility Practiced, Not Assumed

Humility does not come naturally to us - we are naturally prone to pride, because we think highly of ourselves and expect others to bow to our preferences. Humility must be practiced intentionally. Status or fame does not make anyone better than an ordinary person on the street, because every person carries the image of God. You do not treat people well because you know their status - you treat them well because they carry the image of God.

The Proof of Belonging

John 13:1-17 - before the feast of the Passover, Jesus, knowing his hour had come, loved his own unto the end. He rose from supper, laid aside his garments, took a towel, girded himself, poured water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet. In that culture people walked dusty, dirty roads, and their feet came caked with grime - yet the King of kings stooped to wash them.

When Peter resisted, saying, "Thou shalt never wash my feet," Jesus answered, "If I wash thee not, thou hast no part in me" - in other words, if I don't wash you, you don't belong to me. Because you belong to me, I must serve you. The kingdom's definition of ownership is the opposite of the world's: the culture says, "If you belong to me, serve me." The kingdom says, "If you belong to me, I will serve you."

• Service does not diminish you. Jesus returned to his seat at the head of the table after washing feet. Nobody replaced him because he stooped low. Nobody dismissed him because he served.
• No human being can fill the void in another person's heart. Only God can. When we enter relationships expecting another person to complete us, we give them a job that was never theirs, and they will always fall short of it.
• Service reveals ownership. The shepherd serves the sheep; the sheep do not serve the shepherd. The father serves the family. The Savior serves the church. Service is evidence of love - if you are not serving, you are not loving, no matter how many times you say the words.

Covenant Versus Contract

A kingdom relationship is a covenant relationship in which two people help each other become everything God intended them to be. David made a covenant with Jonathan, and years later, though Saul - Jonathan's father - had hunted David to kill him, David asked, "Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness?" They found Mephiboshsheth, lame in both feet. Ziba tried to disqualify him by pointing out his disability, but David did not address how Mephibosheth saw himself - he addressed the covenant, and said, "Thou shalt eat bread at my table continually," because of Jonathan.

A contract only demands fifty-fifty sharing. A covenant demands service that goes beyond what is fair, because it is rooted in commitment rather than convenience.

Purpose-Driven Partnership

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says two are better than one, for they have a good reward for their labor; if one falls, the other lifts him up; a threefold cord is not quickly broken - you, your partner, and God. Culture calls a relationship a convenience arrangement or a mutual-benefits package. The kingdom calls it a partnership that advances God's purpose. If you know your purpose, you stop looking for someone based on outward statistics and start looking for someone who can carry what you carry and add strength to it.

Service Is Love in Action

Love is not proven by words but by sacrifice. Jesus did not merely say, "I love you" - he washed feet, he touched lepers who were required to cry "Unclean!" wherever they went, he fed multitudes, and he died on a cross. If you love, you must be in service - forgiveness is a service, compassion is a service, giving a listening ear is a service.

Service requires humility. Jesus knew who he was - he knew where he came from and where he was going - yet he took a towel to serve. Secure people serve; insecure people need to be served. Jesus even washed the feet of Judas, knowing Judas would betray him. Service is not reserved for those who have earned it or repented first.

Service creates security. When a woman knows she is being served in love rather than used, trust grows, and submission follows naturally - not as a demand. Submission is not a doormat; it is giving a man the right to lead because his love has earned that trust. If you are demanding submission, you have not loved enough, because when love is present in full measure, submission follows it.

Washing Souls, Not Only Feet

Jesus did not merely wash feet - he washed souls. The basin points to the cross, the towel points to sacrifice, the water points to cleansing. The foot-washing was a preview of the cross: he would lay his life down because we were worth it. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it; the order is not reversed - the man loves to the point of dying, and submission and respect follow as a natural response to that love.

Closing Charge

Philippians 2:3-4 - do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility value others above yourselves, looking not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others. The answer to a broken generation is not better dating strategies - it is transformed people who run their relationships by the standards of scripture rather than by culture.