Question And Answer Session On Love, Family, And Relationship by Pastor Phillip Olubakin: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Ten Principles Recap

1. Marriage is a covenant, not just a contract.
2. Keep God at the center.
3. Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
4. Prioritize communication and prayer.
5. Practice forgiveness relentlessly.
6. Protect your marriage with boundaries — time, friends, in-laws.
7. You're a team with shared purpose, including co-parenting with one consistent voice, not competing ones.
8. Nurture intimacy in all its forms.
9. Build your life on shared biblical values.
10. Never let the sun go down on your anger.

Surround yourself with community that believes in family, and don't lose hope even when things look difficult.

Questions

Q: Does God use fear to warn me away from a relationship?

God doesn't communicate through fear — "there is no fear in love; perfect love casteth out fear." An unsettled feeling in the spirit is different from fear itself. Sit with the feeling and journal it: is the discomfort about something specific in the person, or is it coming from an old experience of your own? Locate the source before deciding what it means.

Q: Should I love my partner the way I love myself, or the way they want to be loved?

Both. Loving yourself sets the baseline — you wouldn't starve or strike yourself, so that's the floor for how a partner is treated. But if a partner has clearly communicated a specific need (a love language like physical touch, for instance), loving them well means learning to meet that need even when it doesn't come naturally.

Q: My boyfriend seems to care, but I'm not sure he loves me.

The real issue is usually expression, not the presence of love. Men rarely stay in a relationship they don't actually want — if he's still there, he loves you; he may simply need to learn how to express it more clearly.

Q: My partner is spiritual but unwilling to work, expecting provision without effort.

Scripture is clear that work is expected — "let him that stole steal no more... let him labour, working with his hands." Waiting passively for a financial miracle isn't a normal biblical posture. It isn't your job to force the change, but a direct conversation is warranted, and continuing to cover for someone unwilling to work only prolongs the pattern rather than resolving it.

Q: I keep comparing potential partners to my father — is that a problem?

It's a normal pattern; a parent's example, good or difficult, shapes what a person unconsciously looks for later. If your father modeled healthy qualities, this isn't something to fight against — it's worth trusting, even if it takes longer to find someone who fits.

Q: I earn more than my husband, and he isn't pursuing work or a career.

This is painful, but not the end of the marriage. Life rarely delivers exactly what was pictured in advance — some couples face this, others face infertility, delayed marriage, or other unmet expectations. Look for what can genuinely be appreciated in the situation as it stands, while continuing honest conversation about shared responsibility rather than silent resentment.

Q: My sister is in a relationship with a mentally abusive man and can't see it.

Family members are often too emotionally invested to judge clearly — that includes you. If she's not receptive to direct conversation, prayer and gently encouraging her toward a neutral, non-sentimental counselor may do more than repeated confrontation.

Q: Four years in, my partner says he's not sure if he wants to marry me.

If the uncertainty is about practical readiness (finances, timing), that's a different conversation. But if he's specifically unsure whether you are the right person for him, that uncertainty deserves to be taken seriously rather than waited out indefinitely.

Q: My partner is abroad and unsure when he'll return; I'm worried time is against us.

Investigate whether relocation is realistically possible in either direction, and look into the actual immigration process for the country involved — some make it far easier than others to bring a spouse over. It's worth exhausting the practical options before assuming the relationship can't work.

Q: If there's no physical attraction, does character even matter?

Character matters more than attraction, but attraction still matters — it belongs on any honest list of what to consider, even if it isn't the top priority. Attraction can also grow over time as a relationship deepens; it isn't always present in full from day one.

Q: My father disapproves of who I want to marry because of tribe or background.

Unless there's a real, substantive reason, character flaws, unbelief, or another scriptural concern, tribe alone isn't a valid basis for refusing someone. A person doesn't choose their own family background, and shouldn't be penalized for something outside their control. Marry who you love.