5 Reasons Marriage Exists And Why You Need It by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

How equipped are you for marriage?

Whether marriage is difficult or easy depends on how equipped you are. The first equipment is knowledge. When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Many people don't know the purpose of marriage, wanting to marry only because friends are marrying, or because they are lonely, or free for the season.

Purposes of marriage

1. To complement each other

   Genesis 2:18

   "It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Everyone comes with strengths and weaknesses, and marriage is designed so a couple complements each other. This is why opposites generally attract in marriage — talkers marry listeners, spenders marry savers, spontaneous people marry planners. Values should be the same, but personality will differ; don't look for a copy of yourself.

2. To collaborate

   God does not want you to go through life alone, but to have a joint vision with someone. Two are better than one, they have a greater reward for their labour. Married couples statistically make more money than single people, because of the law of synergy.

3. To have godly seed

   God said be fruitful and multiply. Wanting to marry without having children is against scripture and self-centered. Having children lets you see yourself, or your spouse, in another human being, the way God sees himself in us. It also teaches you your own relationship with God: your kids can never love you as much as you love them, just as you can never love God as much as he loves you; they pay more attention to a gift than the giver, just as we do to God. To be safe, statistically, couples should aim for at least three children rather than only two, since two only replaces the parents rather than multiplying. Nations with falling birth rates cannot recover population-wise except through immigration, and population strengthens a nation's economy.

4. To provide care and companionship

   God created marriage so a person always has someone sworn to be there for them, replacing the money the world spends on things like paid companionship or escort services. Scientifically, loneliness is one of the highest killers, comparable to smoking many cigarettes a day; married people live longer, and men without something to live for become dangerous to themselves and society. Companionship, someone to share both testimony and burden with, is essential to human wellbeing.

Don't delay marriage

Don't wait for everything to be settled before marrying — marry so that things become settled. Marry a good, not a wicked, spouse; hustling should not be a reason to delay. The most fertile years of life are in the 20s; beyond that, fertility and energy decline. The Bible counsels four things for the young:

1. Know the Lord in the days of your youth
2. Bear the burden in the days of your youth (pursue your career path early, while you can take risks)
3. Take the wife of your youth (marry early)
4. Raise the children of your youth (parents have more energy for the earlier children than the later ones)

Understanding the differences between men and women

Marriage brings a very different creature into your home, and you must be equipped to understand that difference, the same way a dog owner must be trained to handle an unfamiliar animal.

• Men's eyes are wired for straight-line vision and focus; women's eyes are wired for peripheral detail. This is reflected even in road accident patterns.
• Men are rugged (formed from dust); women are refined (formed from a rib).
• Man is work-oriented, since work was the first thing God gave Adam; woman is family-oriented, since a husband was the first thing God gave Eve.
• For a woman, the order of being is emotional, spiritual, mental, then physical; for a man it is the opposite — physical, mental, spiritual, then emotional. This is why men default to starting intimacy physically, while women need to be warmed up emotionally first.

In teaching what love means to each gender:

• For a man, acceptance — many women compare their husband to an idealized image built from other men's strengths, when most conflict in a home is about unmet expectations rather than the man himself.
• For a woman, attention — a woman does not need all of a man's attention, only his full attention in the moments they are together.
• For a man, respect.