Don't Miss Your God-prepared Spouse by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Legacy Matters

Drawing from Genesis 24 — the story of how they found a wife for Isaac — the first key principle is that legacy matters. No matter how long you live on the earth, what you leave on the earth is more important. God wants you to get married. Getting married is part of how the earth has been sustained. God started with two people — Adam and Eve — and it is now 8 billion. God's plan has always been to populate the earth and to pass on what we have learned to the next generation. Don't just leave and die.

Let Wiser, More Experienced People Help

Abraham sent his eldest servant — a more experienced, mature man who knew Abraham's heart — to find a wife for Isaac rather than sending the young man himself. After 30 years of pastoral ministry and counseling, some people if given 10 chances will pick poorly every single time. Their relationships consistently go from bad to worse. The problem is that when people search alone, they are limited to their own network.

In our parents' and grandparents' generation, singles were rarely languishing because the wider community contributed to finding spouses. It is part of why people are not getting married as quickly today — people are finding for themselves alone, and the success rate is limited.

Indian culture famously operates this way: arranged marriages statistically work better, because people going into them are mentally prepared to commit rather than being swept away by romantic feeling that has no foundation.

Marry Within Your Spiritual Heritage

Abraham made the servant swear: do not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites. In other words, do not marry someone from outside your spiritual heritage. If you are a born-again Christian, marry another born-again Christian — the Bible is clear: 2 Corinthians 6:14 — you cannot be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Marry someone that God can talk to, lead, and speak to. If you are the real thing, you will know your kind.

Also marry someone whose purpose aligns with yours. Genesis 2:18 — God said he would make a helper who is meet — the word is not helpmate but helpmeet, meaning a helper who is suitable and adaptable, a helper that is compatible. Not every helper is compatible. Many people cannot fulfill what God called them to do because of the person they married. Do not marry someone who cannot contain the vision you are carrying.

The Person Must Be Willing

Genesis 24:5, 8 — the servant asked: what if the woman will not be willing to follow me? Abraham said if she is not willing, you are clear from this oath. This is one of the most common counseling questions: what do I do when I love someone who does not love me back? They have answered you. Because marriage is such a long journey, both of you must be willing. Amos 3:3 — two cannot walk together except they be agreed.

Don't waste time in a relationship going nowhere. Every time you invest three years in something going nowhere, you cannot get those years back. Time is not smiling with you — it is both a sprint and a marathon, and it does not stop for anything. Women have a biological clock; men have a financial clock.

As a lady: ask when. Do not start a relationship without the end date in mind. The number one thing a proposal must come with is a date, not just a ring. Do not let anyone string you along forever.

Capacity

The servant took ten camels — he had capacity. You cannot be positioned to marry without capacity. What makes marriage work or fail is usually not marriage itself — it is things like financial issues, conflict management skills, fight language. Both men and women must build capacity: faith, finances, emotional intelligence, communication.

Gone are the days when only the man is expected to bring everything to marriage — those days are long gone. Two people are meant to come together and build a life together. That is how God designed it.

Positioning — Go to the Well

The servant made his camels kneel by a well of water at the time of evening — the time when women came out. There is positioning. There is timing. He did not just go anywhere at any time — he went to the center of activity, at the right hour.

The well in biblical days is where people meet. The woman at the well in John 4 met Jesus there. Today, the well is online. You cannot limit yourself to your immediate environment. Post your pictures — fine ones. Make your status reshareable. Be present where responsible, like-minded people gather. If churches are having programs, come. Be in the circles where you will meet other Christians like you.

Intentionality: he went when women normally go to the well.

Prayer

Genesis 24:12 — the servant prayed: O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day. When praying for a husband or wife, do not only ask God to give you a spouse — pray for God to direct you. Sometimes God answers prayer with instruction: go and join a department, be more involved, attend that program. How many meet their spouse at a reunion or an unexpected gathering? Sometimes what we need to pray for is sense and wisdom — perhaps there is something about your attitude that God wants you to change.

Know the Qualities You Want

The servant was specific: let the one appointed for me be the one who gives me water and also waters my camels. He was not testing luck. He was specific about godly character. He said she must be kind, homely, friendly — somebody willing to serve an old man who did not look like an eligible bachelor.

Rebecca, Ruth, Esther — they all found their spouses by serving genuinely. When you are kind, it has a way of linking you. A lot of women have missed their spouses because they were only polite to eligible bachelors. Sometimes the person who will recommend you or connect you might not look like it.

She had character. She was not hopping around relationships. She had kept herself. Do not do serial dating. Live right.

Be polite. Be kind. You cannot be self-centered, selfish, and enjoy marriage.