Forgiving Myself Of What I Cannot Forget by Pastor Dolapo Lawal: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Forgiving myself of what I cannot forget

A woman recovering from a difficult divorce went to a counselor for help with forgiveness. Given cards to write on, she filled the entire office listing every hurtful thing that had been said to her. Looking at the pile, she realized no one could carry all of that and be fine. Forgiving others can be easier than forgiving yourself.

1 John 3:20

For if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and knows all things.

What "condemn" really means

The Greek word is katagnosko, "knowledge against," an accusation. The heart acts as a witness that gathers information and registers a charge against you. But "greater" is not "more": God does not have more reasons to condemn you, his knowledge is better than your heart's. Ginosco, the heart's knowledge, is information only; epignosis is full, experiential knowledge.

God's knowledge of you is based on what he has installed in you, the Holy Spirit, already tested in a human being, Jesus, who came out spotless.

Romans 8:29

For whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

John 8:11, 8:12

Jesus to the woman caught in adultery: "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more." Then he said, "I am the light of the world, he who follows me shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life." The Holy Spirit in a believer is not only curative, he is preventive; sin becomes harder, not easier, once you belong to him.

Justification is more than forgiveness

Forgiveness is negative in nature, it removes the charge. Justification is positive, it bestows a new status with full rights and privileges. God forgives sinners; he justifies sons.

Romans 5:1

Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand.

You are not an improved version of your old self, you are a new creation. The person who did those things has died; a brand new you received newness of life. Judging yourself by what "you" used to do is not even theologically accurate.

Yes, you can be unforgiving toward yourself

Forgiveness is a command, but reconciliation is not, you can forgive someone and still keep your distance. You cannot relocate your heart away from yourself. Every mirror becomes a courtroom when you have not pardoned yourself for something in your past. This includes guilt carried over abortion, abuse suffered or caused, betrayal, self-harm, failure, or words spoken in anger to loved ones.

How to forgive yourself

1. Acknowledge it

   Do not live in denial. David did not resign the throne after his failure with Uriah; when his son died, he got up, ate, and moved forward. Paul openly called himself a persecutor of the church even while preaching (Philippians 3:4-6, 2 Corinthians 7:2), yet in the same breath said he was "forgetting those things which are behind" (Philippians 3:13).

2. Understand that forgetting is not amnesia

   Isaiah 43:25 says God will not "remember" our sins. The Hebrew word zakar does not mean an inability to recall, it means to act on. God is saying he will never act toward you on the basis of your sin. In the same way, you can remember what happened without letting it direct your present identity.

3. Confess it and receive it

   1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us. Forgiveness is anchored in God's character, not your feelings; the probability of asking and being refused is zero.

4. Refuse to self-atone

   Feeling bad can be genuine repentance, but the devil turns it into ongoing condemnation. Continuing to beg for a forgiveness already received becomes a form of self-worship, setting your own standard above God's, as though the blood of Jesus were enough for everyone but you. In Luke 24:30, Jesus opens the disciples' eyes and they see him. In Genesis 3:6, 3:7, the devil opens Adam and Eve's eyes and they see only themselves.

5. Choose it daily

   Matthew 6:9-6:12: "Give us this day our daily bread... and forgive us our debts." Daily bread is a prayer of supply, not demand; forgiveness works the same way, and often you are your own debtor. You will remember what happened, but you choose, daily, not to let it define you.

6. Set your mind

   Colossians 3:1-3:3: Seek the things above, for you died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. A man once left his home angrily after an argument; his wife died in a house fire before he could return, his last memory of her was the fight. Anything that can tamper with your joy has become your god. Setting your mind means governing your own thoughts rather than being ruled by them.

Pull down strongholds

A stronghold, historically, was not built by an enemy, it was built by the king himself as a hiding place. Scriptural strongholds work the same way, self-built mental models, like believing you must fast or perform before God will hear you, that keep you hiding instead of receiving freely.

Put scriptures about your forgiveness on your lips like medicine. Learn to recognize which thoughts are actually yours: a suggestion only becomes "you" the moment you vocalize and own it.