How To Forgive Yourself by Pastor Dolapo Lawal: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Condemnation is partial knowledge

1 John 3:20

If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.

The word condemned is kataginosco, from kata (down or against) and ginosco (knowledge). It means to find fault with, to blame. The heart acts like a witness that has gathered information against you and registers a charge.

Your heart's condemnation is a form of knowledge, but it is partial. It knows your failures and inconsistencies. God's knowledge is total. His fuller knowledge includes the genuine faith and love he has worked in you, which your accusing heart conveniently forgets.

When someone who has received Jesus struggles to forgive themselves, theologically they are in self condemnation or wanting to be self-righteous. Being self-righteous is impossible. Our righteousness is a filthy rag before God.

Forgiveness vs justification

Romans 5:1

Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Forgiveness tells us we are pardoned. Justification heals the sting of guilt we still feel after being pardoned.

Forgiveness says, "You may go." Justification says, "You may come."

• Forgiveness is negative in nature — the ability to punish has been removed, the charge no longer stands
• Justification is positive — it bestows a status, with all the rights, privileges, and benefits that belong to it
• Forgiveness is like a pardon from prison, released, no longer feared arrested again
• Justification is more than a pardon — publicly accepted, welcomed, given access to places of honor

Justification is just as if it never happened, not just pardoned but given back your status.

Romans 8:33

Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.

2 Corinthians 5:17

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, all things have become new. Just imagine charging a newborn baby to court. He has not done anything, he was just born. That is justification.

Isaiah 55:11

The word of God has the capacity to take away the sting of guilt.

Can I be unforgiving to myself?

Yes. Everyone has made mistakes, some behind us, some still affecting our present. Maybe an abortion, being bullied, being the bully, molesting someone, losing a loved one, cheating in a relationship, walking away from God, abandoning a child or a calling, failing an exam or a marriage, harsh words to parents, self-harm.

You have already suffered enough from your past. You don't have to suffer again. You will be paying twice for your sins if you keep feeling guilty.

6 keys to forgive yourself

1. Acknowledge the sin or mistake

   Admit it without excuses.

   1 John 1:9

   If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us. The premise for forgiveness is God's faithfulness and justness, not our own effort.

   Feeling bad is an indication of repentance, not repentance itself. The devil can capitalize on that remorse and turn it into condemnation, making you focus only on how you feel about yourself. That is worship, because anything that gets your attention gets your worship.

   Luke 24:30

   When Jesus broke the bread, their eyes were opened and they saw Jesus.

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   Pastor Dolapo Lawal

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   Genesis 3:6

   When the woman ate the fruit, their eyes were opened and they knew they were naked.

   The devil doesn't open your eyes to see him — he opens your eyes to see you. Jesus opens your eyes to look away from you.

2. Understand that forgiveness is a spiritual and legal issue

   Isaiah 64:6

   All our righteousness is like filthy rags.

   Sins must be paid for, not cried or begged for. They are paid for through the finished work of Jesus.

   Exodus 12:13

   When I see the blood, I will pass over you.

   Deuteronomy 5:9

   Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on those who hate me. That does not refer to a believer — you don't hate God, so your guilt is cleared in Jesus.

   God forgives sins, but we cooperate with him to be released from the guilt.

3. Believe that God has forgiven you

   Luke 24:47 — repentance for the forgiveness of sins preached in his name to all nations.

   Micah 7:19 — he will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

   Psalm 103:1,12-14 — as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

   Acts 10:43 — everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.

   Acts 13:38-39 — through Jesus forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.

   Luke 17:1-5 — if he sins against you seven times in a day and returns saying I repent, forgive him. And the apostles said to the Lord, increase our faith.

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   You need faith to forgive yourself, and faith is not a feeling. Ask him to increase your faith, and that increase comes through knowledge of scripture.

4. Understand that not forgiving yourself is a sign of pride and self-righteousness

   Romans 10:1-4

   Israel had a zeal for God but not according to knowledge, seeking to establish their own righteousness rather than submitting to God's righteousness.

   If you are not putting your faith in the fact that you are forgiven because of what Christ has done, you are trying to establish your own righteousness. If how you feel about yourself is what matters, then why did Christ die?

   Acts 10:15

   What God has cleansed, you must not call common. If God has called you righteous, you must not say I'm not righteous.

5. Feed on scriptures on God's forgiveness

   Hebrews 10:17 — their sins and lawless deeds I will remember no more.

   Psalm 103:12 — as far as the east is from the west, so he has removed our transgressions from us.

6. Remember you are a human being — forgive yourself

   Psalm 103:13-14

   As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear him, for he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust. God gives us grace because we are human.

   Proverbs 24:16

   A righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity. You can be righteous and fall, but you will rise.

   • Moses was a murderer who became the deliverer
   • David committed adultery and murder, yet was a man after God's own heart
   • Peter denied Jesus three times, yet Jesus made him head of the church
   • Paul persecuted the church and became its greatest missionary
   • Jacob, a deceiver who stole, became Israel, God's nation
   • Rahab the prostitute is woven into the line of Christ

   If God did not disqualify a murderer, an adulterer, a denier, a persecutor, refusing to forgive yourself is holding a standard God himself did not hold.

   2 Corinthians 5:16-17

   Receive our ministry, we have wronged no man — old things have passed, all things have become new.

A picture of freedom

Freedom looks like when no one from your past, no memory from your past, is holding you down. Instead the pain now has purpose as its perspective.

What was meant for evil, in perspective, becomes a stage for good. He that has been forgiven much will love much.