Marriage, Singleness And Self-control by Pastor Sam Adeyemi: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Summary of the Series: Marriage Is Good

This is a summary of the month's series on marriage, singleness, and self-control. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-9 (New Living Translation), Paul is responding to questions the Corinthians wrote to him about:

Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations, but because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Corinth was a place where there was so much sex it had become part of their worship — temple prostitutes, sexual practices embedded in idol worship. When people began to become Christians, some began to teach extreme asceticism: keep yourself holy, stay away from sex completely. Some were even teaching that married people should reduce or eliminate sexual relations, that sex made you impure. That is why they wrote to Apostle Paul.

Key Principles from 1 Corinthians 7

1. It is good to stay away from sex if you are single. Christianity does not provide for sleeping around with people when you are not married to them. There is no room for that.
2. Sex is one of the major reasons why we marry. God designed us for it. If you have decided to be holy and you find your holiness shaking, Apostle Paul says go and marry. Have sex with peace of mind. The sexual emotion is strong by design. What you see and hear consistently will enter your heart and influence you. We are seeing today in five days what some of us used to see in thirty or forty years ago — and it is affecting us. Instead of struggling in isolation, God has provided an honorable path.
3. Refusing to have sex with your spouse does not increase your holiness — it will corrupt your holiness. It is a basic need, especially for men. It is like food. If you don't eat the real thing at home, you will eat the wrong thing on the road. You cannot launch a 21-day prayer and fasting program without the agreement of your husband or your wife. The Bible makes provision for fasting — but it must be by agreement. If you can break the fast for food in the evening, you can break for this other need too. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
4. Do not deprive your partner of sex without consent. Once you get married, God will give you grace for it. Paul says, "I've lost authority over your body." When your spouse wants it, give it. Stay away only by agreement.
5. Celibacy is good and has great advantages. Some of the greatest Bible characters were celibate, including our Lord Jesus Christ himself. Don't let the culture make you feel like a failure simply because you are not married yet. Marriage is not one of the requirements for entering heaven. Celibacy is a gift, though — not everyone has it. You can determine very quickly whether you have it or not.

Paul says do your utmost to avoid divorce — confirming what Jesus said: this divorce thing was not part of God's program. However, there are scenarios where it becomes the reasonable thing to do. But before you even get to divorce, how about separation — to allow someone's head to come down? Put it back together if it can work.

Culture and the Pressure on Marriage

A research carried out at Emory University established that couples who spend more than $20,000 on their weddings are 3.5 times more likely to divorce than those who spend $5,000 to $10,000. What they established is that spending a lot of money on the wedding puts a lot of families under financial pressure from scratch. Financial stress is the number one cause of divorce.

Whenever the prevailing culture is creating stress for you as a Christian, you need to go get your traction back from the word of God. In Romans 12:2 (Message Bible): "Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you."

The culture around you is immature. You use all your energy to prepare for the wedding and not for the marriage. And then the day after the wedding you're at a loss as to what to do next, when all the energy was invested in a one or two day ceremony.

Men and the Call to Provide Leadership

The world is changing — governments are empowering more women, creating more space in executive positions. Just when women are being empowered, it seems men are shrinking. Some are afraid to approach a woman because she looks together and has money.

If you were smart enough, you would know when a woman has money, the first thing she spends most of it on is her family. The major thing a man needs to provide now — which should always have been provided — is leadership. It is the direction. "Where are we going? Where is this family going?" You are in the driver's seat.

Not only should you have the vision — you have to be able to sell it, communicate it. The purpose of leadership is not to produce followers; it is to produce leaders. The stronger the members of your team, the better your leadership. The fact that you are the leader does not mean you are the wisest or the best. Being a leader makes you a broker of talents. You should be smart enough to get the best out of the people on your team and get them to work together — because two are better than one. Leverage synergy.

Your connection with God must be strong. You need to be hearing from God. In Isaiah 40:8, the grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God abides forever. When God speaks to you and you say it — and God speaks to your partner too and she agrees — the foundation is laid on God. That is all you need.

The Promise

This is the promise: you cannot obey God and fail. Pray to God. Let him lead you in your choice of who to marry. Open your eyes and be reasonable. Marry. God will sustain you. Two are better than one. Marriage will not be a liability for you — it will be a catalyst for the fulfillment of your destiny.