What To Do Before Finding The One (part 1) by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Most people are focused entirely on finding "the one." But before that search even begins, there are things worth finding first. Desire a good marriage, not just marriage. Many people have quietly settled for a desire for average, when they were never meant to accept anything less than the best.

Find God First

Matthew 6:33

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

The one is what you want. God is what you need, and a need is always superior to a want. If finding a spouse becomes the actual goal, the odds of finding the wrong person go up sharply. A relationship with God has to come first, because it becomes the foundation everything else is built on. A life without God is already set up to struggle, and marriage, from its very first design, was meant for people who already know God.

What Finding God Actually Does

• It sets the standard for what love looks like. Scripture says God is love, and real love cannot be fully appreciated until it has first been experienced from Him. Once that standard is set, second-rate love stops being acceptable.
• It raises self-worth. Understanding that you are a son or daughter of the Most High changes what you will and will not tolerate from another person. A person secure in that identity does not beg anyone to love them.
• It clarifies values. God's love is unconditional and constant, not dependent on behavior or mood. Someone who has tasted that kind of love stops settling for love that fluctuates.
• It removes the need to hustle. Seeking His kingdom first means provision and direction follow rather than needing to be forced.

Learn to Hear God Before Marriage Ever Becomes the Question

If marriage is the very first thing someone claims God has spoken to them about, that claim deserves real scrutiny. Learning to recognize God's voice in ordinary decisions, school, career, direction, long before marriage is even on the table, is what makes it possible to trust that same voice when it speaks about a spouse. Attraction dressed up as a prophetic word, "God told me," when it was really just someone's appearance speaking, is a common and costly mistake. Someone who has never been led by God in anything else should treat a sudden, marriage-only "leading" with real suspicion, including in their own life.

Refuse to Settle

Romans 8:32

He who did not spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

God does not withhold good things from His children. Someone who has genuinely walked with Him negotiates upward, never down. That confidence in what's ahead is exactly what makes settling for less on the way there so much harder to accept, no more managing a relationship that fluctuates, no more waiting on someone who cheats, no more accepting scraps out of a lack of self-worth. A prince does not chase after someone who does not want him, and a princess does not beg to be chosen. Find God first, and let Him set what "enough" actually looks like.