The 7 Types Of Singles You Need To Know by Rev. Sam Oye: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Q&A: Marriage, Singleness, and Healing

Can you have a soul tie with someone who has passed away, such as a late spouse?

Absolutely. The first step to breaking it is to consciously recognize that the soul tie is still active. If you still remember the person with strength in your voice, you have not fully moved on, and that is not wrong to admit.

You will never have anybody exactly like the person you lost again, but what God has in store is someone different from him and someone better. Until you let go, you cannot see the next person come, and even when the next person arrives, you will not appreciate them because you are still locked in the hold of the one before. God brought that person into your life so you would taste what a real, good man should look like, so that you would not settle for less. What you have tasted is only a foretaste of what is coming.

When a Pattern Repeats in a Family

A man shared that all his older brothers' marriages had broken down, and their wives had left with the children, only to be replaced by wives who also came with children of their own. He asked what could be done.

You don't change problems until you change patterns. Most times we want to fix the problem, but we don't fix the pattern, and it is the pattern that creates the problem.

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• Sit down, as someone who genuinely cares, with the women who left. Ask them sincerely what happened. Sometimes the answer to the problem comes from the people who walked away.
• Interview your brothers individually about why their marriages ended. Listen carefully, and you will begin to find a common thread.
• Once you find the pattern, make a deliberate departure from it, or what you have seen become in your family is a preview of what you will also experience.
• Praying alone is not enough. Finding out the root and having a behavioral change is what is critical.

Leading a Successful, Financially Independent Woman

What impact can a man bring into the life of a woman who already has money and can take care of herself?

It can feel intimidating to approach a powerful, financially independent woman. But most women whom God has blessed are not arrogant. Men need to step up and redefine what makes them a man, because it is no longer primarily about money.

• A woman naturally responds to vision. Share where you believe God is taking the family, and she will bring everything she has toward it. Many women who withhold at home give freely in church because a pastor articulated a vision their husband never shared with them.
• Do not try to control her. Leadership is influence, and influence is exercised through service, the same way Christ led the church by giving Himself for it.
• Serve practically at home. Asking, "Is there anything I can do for you? Can I prepare something for you?" does not take away a man's masculinity.
• Remember that the goal is more important than the role. A family has a shared goal to accomplish, and each partner contributes toward it in whatever way is needed.

Knowing God's Will and Confirming a Spouse

How do I know if it is God's will? I felt the Lord speak to me about a man in church, but he no longer attends, ten years later.

As at the time he was in church, that was what God was saying. Now that he has left, that is no longer what God is saying. The same God who told Samuel to anoint Saul later sent him to anoint someone else. Free yourself from the burden of "God told me," and instead keep asking, "What is God saying," not "What has God said."

How does God confirm a spouse for you, and can God restore a marriage that He did not ordain?

There are several ways to know:

1. Inner Peace

   There is the peace of mind, and there is the peace of God, and they are not the same thing. Peace of mind can come from convincing yourself and marketing a person to yourself in the presence of obvious issues that should concern you. Whenever someone is over-marketing a person, there are usually things being covered up.

2. Witnesses

   Let your pastor and your father meet the person. Men have a way of masking their true identities from women, so a wise woman gets him in front of other men she trusts and listens to what they observe.

3. Basic Checks

   • Integrity check: Look at his social media history well before he met you. Ask people who genuinely know him at his church, quietly, what kind of person he is.
   • Background check: Verify claims about education or credentials. Consider where he is coming from, whether a broken home or a polygamous home, since that history has a way of affecting a person.

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   • Purpose check: Look for genuine connection between your life purposes.

Can God restore a marriage He did not ordain? God can restore two people if the man and his wife have found their way back to God. God is not primarily in the business of reconciling marriages; He is in the business of reconciling hearts. When two hearts come under His lordship, it becomes natural for them to find their way back to one another.

Breaking a Family Pattern

A woman described watching two relationships end abruptly, both times right when the man was about to meet her mother, with no explanation given. She recognized it was a family pattern rather than a personal failing, since it had also happened to a sibling's relationships.

Some families start very well but do not finish well. This may point to a spiritual warfare over the family rather than over any one relationship. When somebody in a family pays the price to break a destructive pattern, everyone who comes after them finds it easier, because the breaker has already fought the battle on their behalf.

• Determine to go before God and repent on behalf of your family, especially on behalf of the choices made by your parents.
• Ask God to break any warfare, offense, or pronounced curse tied to those choices.
• Take three days to fast and pray, then meet with your pastor for prayer and release. If you have a brother who is also a believer, do it together, and you open the door for the rest of the family.

A Mother Who Raised Her Children Alone

A mother of four described decades of financial, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse before she chose to separate and raise her children largely on her own, and she asked how she could now learn to trust a man again for herself and for her children.

On behalf of all responsible men on earth, on behalf of every father working every day to bring food home and to say no to temptation, we are very sorry. The man she met cannot be denied as the father of her children, but he was not a good parent to them, and what she has built with her children on her own is worth honoring.

If he had remained closely involved, given the pattern of abuse, the outcome for the children would likely have been worse rather than better. Fear of losing someone who does not belong in your life is not a reason to keep him there. Rather than looking for the missing parent, connect your children to men and women of integrity in the church, since it takes a village to raise children.

She was reminded that seasons change and that one woman in the church had married at sixty-five after decades alone.

Overcoming Fear After Being Left Twice

A woman shared that two relationships had ended with the man vanishing without explanation right before meeting her family, and that she now feels afraid to commit even though she is not the only person in her extended family to face this pattern.

You are not the only one carrying this. Because the pattern shows up across the family and not only in your own relationships, it points to something the family together needs to take to God in prayer, not something wrong with you personally. Every family that carries a jinx of not finishing well needs someone willing to become the breaker, going before God in repentance and warfare on behalf of those who came before.

Closing Declaration