Real Relationship And Marriage Questions And Answers by Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

How Do You Overcome Soul Ties After Premarital Sex?

Repentance is the first step, and repentance means more than apologizing to God, it means genuinely changing how the act is seen. See it as the sin it is, then retrace your steps from there. Find someone to be accountable to, a pastor or a respected older Christian, and set clear boundaries: no more locking doors "to pray," no more private time alone together where you already know the outcome. If the relationship itself has ended, formally break the soul tie in prayer, spirit, soul, and body, and cut physical contact entirely. Someone who wants to stop a life of sin while still keeping in touch with their partner in sin is tempting the devil, not being tempted by him. As with any cast-out stronghold, fill the space that's left with the word of God and other constructive activity rather than simply leaving it empty.

Is Marriage for Everyone?

Matthew 19:11-12

Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life; it requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth, seemingly never give marriage a thought; others never get asked or accepted; some decide against it for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.

Not everyone will get married, and not everyone should. Paul is the clear biblical example of someone whose life, shipwrecked, flogged, imprisoned, simply could not accommodate a spouse, yet scripture never records him pursuing anyone outside of marriage either; singleness for kingdom reasons still requires purity, not just the absence of a ring. For those capable of it, marriage carries real weight: it requires consistently choosing to obey God even when a spouse is difficult to love, the same way Christ loved before there was any guarantee of being loved back. If you are not ready to keep giving well past the point where you feel you have already given enough, marriage will stretch you far beyond that point. Vows have to be placed above feelings once they are made.

What About Delayed Marriage and the Fear of "Running Out of Time"?

Worry is a quiet claim that a person could manage the outcome better than God is managing it. Scripture promises the outcome comes through faith and patience, not anxiety. A person waiting is not competing with anyone else for a spouse, they need one person, not many, so panic rooted in comparison is misplaced. Isaiah 40:11 and similar promises can be stood on directly and specifically, faith requires knowing exactly what has been promised, not a vague hope. Faith and worry cannot occupy the same heart at the same time. Practical positioning, going out, being available, still matters, but the spiritual side comes first: settle it internally that the person God has promised already belongs to you before it shows up physically. Worry produces nothing but more worry; it does not accelerate anything.

What Do You Do About a Man Who Won't Commit?

Men tend to run on a different motivator than women; call it a financial clock rather than a biological one. As long as a man is already receiving the practical and physical benefits of marriage without the commitment, motivation to formalize things drops sharply. Define the relationship early and directly, ask plainly what the timeline is and why it isn't moving, rather than letting years pass on vague reassurance. Involve a pastor or mentor as a neutral third party; it's far easier for someone else to advocate for clarity than for a woman to keep asking the same question herself. A man who is genuinely serious does not need to be chased into commitment.

How Do You Rekindle Intimacy When One Spouse Is Emotionally or Spiritually Distant?

Speak your spouse's actual language rather than only your own. If your spouse is deeply prayerful, pray with them specifically about intimacy in your marriage rather than treating prayer and intimacy as competing categories. Often a mismatch in interest traces back to unmet emotional needs, not spiritual ones. Return to the small things that marked the beginning of the relationship, intentional dates, notes, attentiveness through the day, since neglecting these and expecting enthusiasm at night rarely works. Either spouse can and should initiate intimacy; there is no fixed rule that it belongs to one partner alone, and everyone wants to feel actively wanted. If a spouse consistently avoids intimacy altogether, that is unusual enough to warrant real investigation with a qualified Christian counselor, since it is not natural for someone not to want intimacy at all, and there is very often an identifiable reason underneath it.

How Do You Rebuild and Trust Again After a Painful Divorce?

Forgiveness comes first, both of the former spouse and of yourself. Failing to do this often means an entirely innocent new partner ends up carrying the weight of a previous relationship's failures. Honestly examine what part you played in what went wrong, since it typically takes two people, and complaining about something you actually allowed rarely leads anywhere useful. Seek real counsel rather than treating it as a sign of spiritual weakness; a second perspective can name a pattern that is invisible from the inside. A previous marriage or broken relationship does not disqualify someone from the possibility of love again; changing the internal narrative from scarcity to trust matters as much as any practical step.

How Do Busy, Working Parents Protect Their Marriage and Family?

Quality has to substitute for quantity when quantity genuinely isn't available. Whatever time is available together should be made memorable and deliberate rather than left to chance, and children tend to remember specific moments far more than raw hours logged. Community matters here: church, extended family, and trusted friends can function as the "village" that used to be assumed, and asking for that kind of help is not a failure. Time away together, even briefly and rarely, has to be protected, or the relationship quietly runs dry underneath the busyness. Bringing God back to the center, honoring the Sabbath, giving generously, changes the whole equation, because pursuing bigger things purely by human effort always demands more effort in return, while trusting God for increase does not carry the same cost against family life.